-= Gametoast.com =-

Well, really I guess the problem was capitalization, but that's no biggie. Back on-topic.

Nihillo wrote:I didn't see any grammatical mistakes but what do I know? My english is far from perfect.

Plasmoidmonkey, could you help me with that?

Well, actually, your English is better than a good 75% of the population of America.
But you can just PM the next chapter to me and I'll proofread it and post it.

On to comments:
I like it! You put way more detail into Padme than what I was planning, Qui-gon came out perfectly, the dialogue seemed a bit stilted at times but is still way better than the original movie, and basically it was just awesome. Nice cliffhanger too.

Thank you.

I'm going to start working on chapter three today.

I would like to remove myself from this project. Sorry, but there is no way anything I could do would be this good.

Faceman2000 wrote:I would like to remove myself from this project. Sorry, but there is no way anything I could do would be this good.

You sure? You could always ask Nihilo or I for help if you need it. But, if you still feel like that, I won't stop you.

But we still need a third person. Any takers out there?

Nah, remove me. However, I will be keeping an eye on this, and if in any of the other episodes General Grievous himself shows up, I might just ask for another position.

<sigh> Thirteen days have passed and I have come to confess: I haven't written anything at all since my previous post; I was busy for a week with hum, beta tests and after that I just couldn't find any inspiration to write, so I tried to do what I could in my current state, but it was an useless effort, chapter 3 sucked (I'm not being harsh on myself or whatever, it was terrible) so I deleted it...

I won't quit, but I just can't do anything right now, I can't start anything, I can't think. I'm blocked.

So... what do we do now? If you want, I could try to write chapter 3 again, it might take a while for me to recover though or you (plasmoid) could write it and I would compensate by writing two other chapters.

I'm really, really sorry, I acknowledge I have promised to complete it in a deadline and failed to do so.

plasmoidmonkey wrote:

Faceman2000 wrote:I would like to remove myself from this project. Sorry, but there is no way anything I could do would be this good.

You sure? You could always ask Nihilo or I for help if you need it. But, if you still feel like that, I won't stop you.

But we still need a third person. Any takers out there?

If you still need a third person, I'll join up. I love writing fiction, and I would have fun doing this.

I suppose I'll take the leftover chapters that no one has decided to do yet.

First off, Xavious, you're in. Secondly...

Nihillo wrote:<sigh> Thirteen days have passed and I have come to confess: I haven't written anything at all since my previous post; I was busy for a week with hum, beta tests and after that I just couldn't find any inspiration to write, so I tried to do what I could in my current state, but it was an useless effort, chapter 3 sucked (I'm not being harsh on myself or whatever, it was terrible) so I deleted it...

I won't quit, but I just can't do anything right now, I can't start anything, I can't think. I'm blocked.

So... what do we do now? If you want, I could try to write chapter 3 again, it might take a while for me to recover though or you (plasmoid) could write it and I would compensate by writing two other chapters.

I'm really, really sorry, I acknowledge I have promised to complete it in a deadline and failed to do so.

Happens to everyone. For the next two weeks or so I'll be pretty busy as well, but ironically it will be at a writer's studio. As for how this will work, chapter 3 will be given to Xavious, and you can take Chapter 5 instead (that would be the podrace).

Xavious, your chapter list is:
Chapter 3
Chapter 7
Chapter 8
Descriptions are on the previous page, PM if you need help or have questions.

plasmoidmonkey wrote: As for how this will work, chapter 3 will be given to Xavious, and you can take Chapter 5 instead (that would be the podrace).

"Roger, roger"

Welcome to the team Xavious.

Ah, Xav beat me to it.
Oh well, maybe I can help with Episode 2. I feel like I'm pretty good at writing, but if you need your own opinion, here's some of my previous work (yes, it's a clan story, so you'll ahve to get past some wierd gamer tags):

Hmm, doesn't seem bad, but the ending just doesn't seem to conclude too well. Don't have many ideas on how to improve it though.

That's only the first part. There are many chapters, but I just wanted to give you a taste of what I can do.

Twilight_Warrior wrote:That's only the first part. There are many chapters, but I just wanted to give you a taste of what I can do.

Well, I don't know if an AAT can make that big of an explosion, but you're definately on for episode 2, if we ever get there.

Sorry about taking so long, but I hadn't expected to have to start right away. I was on vacation and had various other things to do. But here it is at last: Chapter Three of Episode One: Technical Difficulties.


+++++++++++++++


“Master?” inquired Obi-Wan as he sat down opposite Qui-Gon in the main hold of the Jedi cruiser. “Why is it that you insist on disobeying the council? Perhaps they are right in believing that there is a greater threat, beyond just the Trade Federation? You could wind up in a lot more trouble than you bargained for.”

“Perhaps there is. But I trust in the Force, and in my instinct; as should you,” answered Qui-Gon.

“Say what you will, I still don’t feel right about directly going against the council like this. Though I suppose I should be used to it by now.” Obi-Wan grinned as the last few words left his mouth.

Qui-Gon chuckled. “Oh, you’re not upset about flying again, are you?” At this, Obi-Wan grimaced slightly.

“It’s not that, master – at least, not entirely. I just feel uncomfortable about having her fly. I mean, she’s just some street urchin we picked up from a less-than-reputable location.”

“I trust Padme, as should you. She intends well. Besides, I locked the navicomputer after punching in the coordinates. We’re not going anywhere but Thex.”

“I’m still not settled. Something tells me things are going to start getting real bad, real quick.” The ship rumbled as the engines started up.

“Lighten up, my young Padawan. It’s a long trip. You need to relax yourself for what’s to come.” Qui-Gon closed his eyes and leaned back in his chair.

Obi-Wan did likewise, sitting back and moving his mind into a meditative state. He reached out, and he could feel his Master’s life force. Further, and he sensed the humming of the hyperdrive. Every so often, the hum would catch and hang for a moment, but then resume. He tried to ignore this; it would only unsettle him further. Instead, he focused outward again, until he could feel the entire ship with his mind. Every power coupling, every computer screen, and every living thing on the ship.

He drifted slowly into slumber.

+++++++++++++++

The ship jolted suddenly, rousing Obi-Wan from his meditations. His eyelids popped open to see Qui-Gon, already awake and alert, leaping to his feet and rushing down the passage to the cockpit. Obi-Wan sprinted after him without a word. The ship lurched again, and he fought to keep his balance.

“I don’t know what happned! I was just sitting here, then BAM! We dropped out of hyperspace!” Padme was shouting. “And then they started shooting at us without warning!”

Obi-Wan peered through the transparisteel window to behold a massive ship looming ahead of them. It was grey and spherical in shape, and enclosed by a ring that encompassed all but the very front of it. Various attenae protruded from its surface. Blaster turrets lined the exterior of the ring. In the distance, a tan-brown planet was visible.

“A Trade Federation battleship.” Stated Qui-Gon. “They must have tracked our movements from Nar Shaddaa.”

“But why’d why drop out of hyperspace?” Padme looked up at Qui-Gon.

“Don’t know.” Said Qui-Gon. “They must have some type of gravity well generator. Now is not the time to discuss that, however. Give me control.” Padme jumped over to the copilot seat as Qui-Gon took a seat in the pilot’s seat. He gripped the controls and swung hard right, barely skimming past a volley of blaster bolts from the Trade Federation ship. Obi-Wan grabbed the back of his chair to steady himself.

“Master, the hyperdrive is damaged. We took some serious hits.” Obi-Wan proclaimed, pointing out one of the displays on the dashboard. “We can’t make the jump to hyperspace.”

“Then we’ve got no choice but to land on that planet up ahead. Hold on, this might get a little bumpy.” Qui-Gon pushed the throttle forward and the ship jumped ahead.

“Are you crazy? You’re headed right towards them! You’re going to get us killed!” screamed Padme.

Blaster bolts flew past the ship as it continued its charge. As they drew closer, Qui-Gon brought the ship down abrubtly, skimming the bottom of the Trade Federation cruiser, out of range of the turrets. Suddenly, a squadron of brown-colored fighters swooped down from above.

“Master, we’ve got fighters.” Said Obi-Wan.

“I know.” Qui-Gon replied. He jerked the ship left, then right, avoiding incoming flak from the enemy aircraft. The enemy fighters whizzed past.

“They’re coming around for another pass.” Obi-Wan reported, glancing through the rear window.

“Watch ou—“ Padme started, before she was cut off by a violent rocking of the ship.

“We’ve been hit! Our left sublight engine is gone; strap in! We’re coming in for a crash landing!”

+++++++++++++++

The ship seared through Tatooine’s atmosphere. Fire streamed from one engine, and smoke billowed out from the other. Dust and sand ripped past the it as it plummeted down.

It rocked to the right once, and then again, then the entire right wing was torn off and the ship began spinning… twirling downward with increasing speed. And then the impact came. Nose first, the hulk of smoking metal smashed into the rolling dunes. It sank slowly for a moment, then a fiery explosion ripped across its hull.

The sands blew swiftly across the now-silent steel beast and enclosed it.

Then everything was calm.

Nothing but the quiet shifting of the sands.

Silence.

+++++++++++++++

“Obi-Wan? Obi-Wan! Can you hear me?”

He groaned and sat up, rubbing sand out of his eyes.

“Qui-Gon, he’s awake!” Padme shouted.

Obi-Wan opened his eyes, but immediately closed them again when the blinding brightness of the sun reflecting from the sand bit into his retinas. “What’s going on? What happened? Where are we?” he asked.

“Are you all right? Qui-Gon inquired, kneeling in the sand beside him.

“I… I think so.” Obi-Wan stretched his min out to the Force, letting its energy flow through his body. He stood up slowly.

“You took quite the blow to the head, my young apprentice. But you’ve got a thick head; I had a feeling you’d be fine.”

“Hey, is that a jab at me?” Obi-Wan smiled, feeling rejuvenated.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about.” Qui-Gon returned the smile.

“In case you haven’t noticed, we’re in a bit of a situation here. The ship’s in pretty bad shape, and there’s no sign of civilization as far as the eye can see.” Padme butted in.

Obi-Wan turned around to have a look at the ship – if it could even be called that anymore. The metal hulk belching black smoke that he beheld was almost unrecognizable. The cockpit was entirely buried in the sand. The right wing was missing entirely, and the right engine has come clean off and landed somewhere a couple yards away.

“That is why I hate flying.” Obi-Wan remarked.

“I managed to pull the three of us out of the ship before we crashed. Luckily, the Trade Federation couldn’t track us through the sandstorm, so we should be safe… for the time being. But they attacked us once, and lost us, and I doubt they’ll give up that easily.” Qui Gon said.

“We’re still stuck here until we find another ship. That is, unless we can fix this one.” Padme replied.

“We need to hurry. The Trade Federation is likely preparing a search party as we speak, whatever we do, let’s do it, and get off this dust ball of a planet.” Obi-Wan stated.

Qui-Gon looked over at Obi-Wan. “Patience, my young Padawan. Patience. The Force brought us here for a reason. I feel something…. a powerful presence somewhere on the horizon. For good or ill, I cannot yet determine.”

“Force or no Force, we can’t just stand around all day.” Padme interrupted.

“She’s right, Master.”

“I know, it’s just….. “

“What?”

“Nothing. Let’s go.”

With that, the three began their long trek across the sands as the twin suns began to set behind them.

+++++++++++++++

“You summoned me, Lord Sheolan?” Darth Maahl asked of the blue holographic ghost looming before him.

“Yes… yes. The Trade Federation has been keeping an eye on the movements of the Jedi Knights Obi-Wan Kenobi and Qui-Gon Jinn. They are… interfering with our affairs. I need you to deal with them,” the hooded hologram replied.

“I will set out immediately. I long to meet a Jedi blade to blade.”

“The Jedi are on Tatooine. They crash landed somewhere in the vicinity of Mos Eisley.”

“Yes, my lord.”

“You must not be seen. Do not reveal yourself until you are in a position to eliminate the Jedi without error. There will be no trace. Do I make myself clear?”

“Yes, my lord.”

Maahl bowed low as the hologram dissipated, then briskly left the room.

It was time to prove himself to his master.

+++++++++++++++


That's the end of Chapter Three. Comments, questions, criticisums, and whatnot are all welcome.

Ooh, sinister ending. I like it!

I really like it, very straightforward, your vocabulary is greatly better than mine (which makes sense, since it's your main language).

The development of the friendship between Qui-gon and Obi-wan was interesting, I felt I wasn't giving Obi-wan enough attention in Chapter 2, fortunately, you adressed that problem.

Yeah, I kinda made Obi-Wan the main character is this chapter. I realized he hadn't gotten much attention yet.

Thanks for the compliments.

Yes! The thread is not dead! I'll get to work ASAP.

Oh, yeah. That chapter was awesome. Or mainly Qui-gon being awesome. All is as it should be.

Well here's part 1 of this chapter. Part 2 should be out soon.

CHAPTER 4, part 1

Qui-gon, Obi-wan, and Padme sat under a rocky outcropping, avoiding the harshest of the day’s heat. They wouldn’t try moving again until the suns went a bit farther towards the horizon. They were still a good fifty kilometers out from Mos Eisly. If they went through the night, they might be able to get to one of the bordering moisture farms by morning. That is, as long as they weren’t attacked by Tusken Raiders before then, or died of dehydration.
“Come on...come on already.” Padme angrily punched in the number on her comlink again. “Come on…Yes! We have a signal!” Qui-gon gave her a nod of approval. Padme held the device to her ear and began to speak in Huttese.
<Hello, wait…get me Jabba… Yes…Get me Jabba…I said, get me Jabba…Yes, it’s me…Yes, I’ll accept the charges…Yes…yes…just send them straight to my account… Yes, I’ll hold.> She turned to the two Jedi. “I’m on hold. Want to listen to the music?” She held up the comlink, which spat out a staticy track from Figrin D’an and the Modal nodes.
“Who are you trying to call?” Obi-Wan said.
“I must have said it five times already.” The comlink vibrated. “Hey, that was quick.” She put the comlink back to her ear. <Hey, Jabba…wait…Fortuna? What the hell are you doing on the line, Fortuna? Get me Jabba before I strangle you with your own head-tails…yes, you go tell him I said that…I need to talk to Jabba now, Fortuna…You know what, I don’t really care…good. You do that.> There was a pause. <Jabba! It’s me, Padme!> A loud laughing could be heard from the comlink. Padme continued in Huttese for another ten minutes, before she flipped the device shut. “We’re good.”
“You just called Jabba…Jabba the Hutt?” Obi-Wan said in astonishment.
“The one and only. And don’t ask for details: All you have to know is that I saved his life back on Nar Shadaa and that it’s a long story.
“And what did his lordship Jabba say?” Qui-gon said.
“He’ll be sending someone out to get us. Should be around two hours. But from here on out, you two are some of my smuggler friends. Jabba isn’t too fond of Jedi.”
“I expected nothing else.”

The landspeeder could be heard before it could be seen. Actually, the vehicle could barely be heard at all, due to the pounding Huttese thud music* blasting out of its battered speakers. The open-air vehicle sped down the narrow gully before coming to a stop in front of the overhang where the three were waiting. The music stopped as the pilot stepped out. The three stood up and moved out to greet him.
Little could be seen of the person, other than that it was probably a human male. He was clad from head to toe in a sand-blasted white robe-type outfit, with a high collar that acted much like a scarf. Tinted goggles covered his eyes, and a wide, disk shaped hat kept the sun out of his face.
“You the people who need a ride?”
“Were you sent to pick us up?” Qui-gon said.
“Yup.” The man pulled down his sand-scarf and took off his goggles. Contrary to outward appearances, he was not a man, but actually a teenage boy, probably sixteen or seventeen standard years old. Despite his age, he was taller, broader, and more muscular than all three of the stranded travelers. His skin was deeply darkened by a lifetime under the suns, and it could be seen that he had a shaved head. A thick metal collar was clasped around his neck.
“Anakin Skywalker, at your service.” He tugged at the rim of his hat politely. “And you would be?”
“Qui-gon Jinn. This is Obi-Wan Kenobi, and Padme Admidala.”
“Gotcha. Anyway, we better be going. Don’t want to get caught out here by the Raiders.” He hopped back into the speeder. Padme took the passenger seat, while the two Jedi sat in the back.
“So, what brings you to Tatooine?” Anakin said over the music as the speeder sped out of the gulley.
“Running some goods to Jabba. Of course, that Federation Core Ship blew us out of the sky before we could do anything.”
“Ah, the Feds. They’ve there for a month. Something about bartering for Hutt trade routes in this sector. Jabba’s negotiators have been giving them all nine hells about it.” He paused for a moment. “You weren’t really running any goods, were you?”
“What are you talking about?”
“Jedi don’t smuggle. Least not the last time I checked.”
“And what makes you think we’re Jedi?” Qui-gon asked, amused by how quick the boy had blown their cover.
“Let’s see…you don’t walk like smugglers, you don’t talk like smugglers, and you definitely don’t smell like smugglers. Now, Padme here, she could pull it off. But you guys…not so much. Especially you, Obi-wan. You’re hand’s been hovering by the ‘saber on your belt the entire time.”
“Impressive.”
“Don’t worry, I won’t rat you out. But I am pretty curious what two Jedi and a street girl are doing this deep in the Rim.”
“Oh, well you won’t believe half of it when you hear it,” Padme said.

Needless transition

“Well, here we are. A seething hive of scum and villany.” Anakin stopped the speeder outside a run-down junk shop. He led the way inside, Padme following after him. The two Jedi stayed outside.
“I feel it too,” Qui-gon said. “That boy’s Sensitive.”
“He’s got a Presence stronger than Master Yoda…is that even possible?”
“Anything is possible. Some things are just highly improbable. I think we found one of those things.”
“But he’s too old for training.”
“Says the Council. I say differently. We need to test him, at the very least.”
“Master, that borders on heresy.”
“Not like I haven’t run that race before. Come on now, padawan. No reason to stand out in the suns longer than we have to.”

* Think of the Huttese version of "Back in Black"