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“No. It’s saying to turn around.” A sickeningly sickening voice said from behind them. They turned around to see a teenage girl with sunken eyes, Goth makeup, and arms scarred with years of cutting.
“Well lookie here.” Ash Panda said, ticked off for the first time in this story. “It seems they are forming an alliance.”
“The GT Empire has too much power over the rest of the internet. Taking you out is going to be almost as much fun as cutting myself.” She pulled out a short sword with a ridiculously evil looking blade.
“I’ll handle this. plasmoidmonkey said. Xavious looked bummed. “Don’t worry, there’ll be more for you to pwn.” He turned to the emo, putting away his lancers and pulling out his whale-bone broad sword. “Pick a number.”
“Fourteen cuts on my wrists.”
The funk-off DDR screen appeared out of thin air. A Linkin Park song began to play.
“NO!!! NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO!!!” plasmoidmonkey shouted. “WE ARE NOT LISTENNG TO LINKIN PARK!!!!!! FORTY-TWO!!!! GO!!”
The DDR screen lit up with ridiculously fast arrows as plasmoidmonkey attacked to the tune of “One Winged Angel”, Advent Children version.
The funk-off was quite crazy, and totally random. plasmoidmonkey fought all out with broadsword and extra blades of his own bone that shot out from his arms, in full-on heavy stance and form. The emo (Her name was Cutz. I’m serious.) fought as if she actually wanted to get hurt. She actually did want to get hurt, and managed to stab herself on plasmoidmonkey’s blades multiple times.
After possibly ten minutes of fighting, plasmoidmonkey saw and opening. Sliding his sword under hers, he flung it out of sight. He followed up by pinning her to a wall with spikes of bone through her shirt and pants and spike bracelets. Running up to her, he engaged a long sword combo, the red HP bar floating above Cutz’s head diminishing easily.
Perfect! Perfect! Perfect! Great! Perfect! Great! Perfect! Perfect! Perfect! Perfect! Perfect! MARRY ME!! The screen flashed.
Cutz disappeared in a flash and a scream as she was teleported to the nearest allied respawn point or healing center. plasmoidmonkey sheathed his sword.
“Where’d you learn to do that?’ Xavious said, amazed.
“Gaara of the Funk, dude. Gaara of the Funk.”
*
The now three-person party continued onward towards the labs. Like before, there was not an undead monster in sight. The streets were splattered with their remains, however. plasmoidmonkey had the rather unpleasant job of dragging along their potty-mouthed captive, while his senior officers Xavious and Ash Panda kept watch. Realistically speaking, they should have left it behind, but Xavious was still miffed about not being able to fight Cutz.
They had reached the shadow of Boeing Labs before they saw another zombie. Actually, they saw hundreds of zombies, all milling about in the huge courtyard. The GTers crouched behind a piece of rubble on the edge. Roughly ten zombies were within attacking range.
“Okay, Ash Panda you jump in first, plasmoidmonkey and I will follow you.” Xavious instructed, putting a hand on his sword hilt.
Ash Panda poked her head above the rubble just in time to see five zombie’s drop to the ground, silent sniper bullets passing through their heads. In the distance, where they were more tightly packed, a huge mushroom cloud of phazon mist erupted, sending undead flying for hundreds of yards.
Ash Panda snapped out of her amazement, climbed over the rubble, and fired a combustion shot at the nearest pack of zombies, while plasmoidmonkey and Xavious jumped out from their hiding space weapons at the ready.
plasmoidmonkey noticed too late that these were no ordinary zombies. These were scarlet-heads. He revved the chainsaw bayonet of his lancer as one ran towards him. A second before it caught him; he swung his gun like a sword, shredding it right in half, followed by a shot to the head. Swinging around, he grabbed another zombie’s head and slammed it into his knee, impaling it on the spike of his kneecap.
Xavious was once again using his sword, but now he seemed to have discovered the hilarious game of grabbing a zombie in one of his shadow hands and pulling it right onto his blade. Ash Panda was simply standing in one spot, nailing every scarlet-head right in the noggin with a foot long steel spike, trip-kicking or side-stepping the occasional zombie who got near her.
All the while, more zombies fell to the silent sniper, who now used shuriken as well as sniper rounds.
As expected, the zombies put up little fight. Xavious, plasmoidmonkey, and Ash Panda closed in on the few remaining where the phazon cloud was before, right at the entrance to the labs.
The ground here was covered in the fluorescent blue gunk. Three more GTers could be seen here, one a wolf-person, one a Republic Commando in red and black, the other a body-bucket armored giant. The larger soldier slammed a zombie into the ground with the butt of his rifle and squashed the head under his boot, the other was content to frying their faces off with his gun. The wolf-person was firing shots from his two custom revolvers like Clint Eastwood himself, kicking butt with Praying Mantis Hung Gar, and foaming at the mouth at the same time.
The last zombie was downed by a shadowy figure appearing behind it and stabbing an assassin’s blade in its neck and through its skull.
plasmoidmonkey recognized the other GTers. The wolf-person was JackSkratch, Level 64 Espionage and Light Melee Expert: six feet tall with camo pants, a black tank top, wolf ears, semi-long blonde hair claws, a calm expression, a blue bandanna tied around his neck, and breath that smelled of the six chili dogs, two root beers, and four orders of onion rings he had eaten for lunch.
The bigger soldier was none other than Hebes24, level 75 Bounty Hunter, wearing a navy blue Crysis nano-suit/PED with a massive SCAR Rifle with alternate blaster firing mode, plasma grenade launcher, and PED hookup in his hands and a Dl-44 on his hip.
The shadowy one was Taivyx, level 59 Dragonbreed Assassin, clad very much like Xavious, even down to the inky hair, though Taivyx’s was shorter. A Halo sniper rifle was strapped to his back, and assassin’s blade on each hand.
The Commando was Arc_Commander, level 75 Republic Commando, who had taken enough time off of his Battlefront Extreme Mod to help out save the world from total and utter destruction. He had an HK417 rifle with grenade launcher and twin Dl-44s as his weaponry and a Dark Trooper jetback on his back.
Now everybody's in it!
*This funk-off joke and Gaara of the Funk were originally used by masakoX and vegeta3986 in Naruto Abridged.
This is a funk off.